i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
