i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
