I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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