if you like me you must not know who I am
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
