If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
