You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think my fart just growled at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
