I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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