on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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