is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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