I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
