I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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