saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
