She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
