Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
