That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
