I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
