I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you win again, gameday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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