I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
