I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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