i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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