Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
