Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
