Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
