i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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