I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
