now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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