what is it with giant penises always finding me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
my poor anus
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
