I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
