I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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