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you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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