I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.