Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza