you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
