She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
