we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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