I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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