He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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