is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize