they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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