Porn is love you can see.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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