i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
