it was like eating out sand paper
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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