dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
