i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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