I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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