Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
