I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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