i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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