i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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