nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
