There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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