They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
