none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
