Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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