just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
