if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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