If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i dont even know how to be here
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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