Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
