oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
