Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
