so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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