He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my shit smells like andre
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
