After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My ATM looks so different sober.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
