Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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