I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
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Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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