that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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